The Art of Giving Praise That Actually Works
“When it comes to kids, giving praise is more than just a feel-good moment—it’s like planting seeds that can help them grow into confident, resilient little humans.”
Let’s be honest: We all want to hear a good “Nice job!” every now and then. But when it comes to kids, giving praise is more than just a feel-good moment—it’s like planting seeds that can help them grow into confident, resilient little humans. The problem? Not all praise is helpful. Some of it is like tossing seeds onto concrete: it doesn’t really go anywhere.
So, how do we give praise that sticks and actually helps kids flourish? Let’s break it down with a couple of tips you can use right away. Bonus: they don’t require a degree in psychology, or a pep talk from Ted Lasso.
Applied Hope Tip #1: Praise the Hustle, Not Just the Trophy
Here’s the deal: If we only clap when kids “win,” they’ll think the winning part is all that matters. But life’s a lot more about the climb than the summit, right? Praising effort—like how hard they worked or how they kept trying—teaches them that it’s the hustle that counts.
How to Do It:
Instead of saying, “You’re amazing at math!” try, “I saw how much time you spent practicing those problems. That hard work really paid off!”
What if things didn’t go well? Try this: “I know the test didn’t go the way you wanted, but I love how you kept studying and gave it your best shot. That’s what matters.”
Why It Works:
Focusing on effort is teaching our kids about growth mindset – the idea that challenges (and even failures) are where and how we grow! Growth mindset has been shown to promote resilience, motivation, adaptability and confidence….and I mean, come on, that just sounds like the parenting jackpot!
Applied Hope Tip #2: Skip the Fluff and Be Specific
“Good job!” is nice and all, but it’s also kinda vague. What exactly was good? The way they remembered their lunch today? Their killer soccer pass? Kids need details to know what they’re actually doing right. And let’s be real—if you’re not specific, they might just think you weren’t really paying attention.
How to Do It:
Instead of saying, “Great game,” go with, “I loved how you kept talking to your teammates and helping them stay organized on defense. That made a big difference!”
And truthfully, no need to turn into a motivational speaker. Keep it honest. Kids can smell fake praise from a mile away… “I know you really wanted to make that penalty kick and are really disappointed – you might not be able to see what I see right now, but I do know that you tried really hard and that counts too.”
Why It Works:
Research shows that specific praise works because it helps kids see exactly what they did well and why it mattered. When they can connect their actions to good outcomes, they’re more likely to keep it up—and feel confident doing it.
A Finishing Touch:
Remember, if you want your praise to live beyond that one moment focus on effort, be specific, and keep it real. I know it sounds simple, but really what you are saying to the child is - “I see you, and you’re doing awesome stuff.”
So today, try noticing one thing your kid, student, or player is doing well and call it out. It doesn’t have to be big. Maybe they remembered to put their shoes on the right feet (finally) or gave their more effort at practice. Whatever it is, let them know.
And if it doesn’t feel like it lands the first time, just remember: Be a goldfish and try again…ok, I guess Ted Lasso ended up making an appearance after all….
Meet your blogger….
Meghan Miller, PsyD, LP, is a clinical psychologist who is passionate about helping children, teens, and families. She earned her degree in Clinical Psychology with a focus on Child and Family Therapy from the Minnesota School of Professional Psychology in 2011. Throughout her career, Dr. Miller has worked in community mental health centers, addiction treatment programs, and residential care facilities, providing therapy and psychological assessments to people of all ages. She cares deeply about making a broad impact and has developed programs to support students' success and personal growth. With over 10 years of experience coaching gymnastics, Dr. Miller combines her knowledge of mental health with her love of working with young athletes to help them build confidence and reach their potential.
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